Dear Dad,
Today I chose to believe in You. Not just believe about you. Tonight I chose despite my lack of full understanding of your love for me, that I will believe you when you say you love me, even despite my feelings, for feelings are not truth. Tonight I chose to believe to put my full trust in you not because I was told by others, not because I can see what you're planning for me, but because you sent your Son down to die for me, a sinner. That realization I cannot deny. Tonight I put my faith in You because I know even though I cannot see what you're doing in me, your Word says you're holding my hand. Tonight I put my hope in you because I know I cannot win this battle on my own. You will take this broken person and one day make her whole. I believe I am a dirty sinner covered by your grace.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Monday, April 11, 2011
Resident Reflection
Can I know you as Abba
All that you are for me
And ever was
The diversity of life
You sculpt on Your three dimensional pallet
Thick white clouds that reflect sunlit hues
My eyes reflect emotion
Can my emotion reflect a sturdy trust in You
You are amazing God
I peer into the microcosm of cellular structures
The tiny seedlings
I view the macrocosm the horizon
The space below the blue
You are genius God
And I have the audacity to brag
My limited knowledge like broken puzzle pieces
Of magazines, television, books
Your knowledge consists of all things hidden
And all things revealed
Yet not only are you aware of everything
But you carved it Yourself from Your small
Atomic building blocks
Let us speak of yet another dimension beyond space and time
I shall call it truth and love
And you my God are the Master of both
All that you are for me
And ever was
The diversity of life
You sculpt on Your three dimensional pallet
Thick white clouds that reflect sunlit hues
My eyes reflect emotion
Can my emotion reflect a sturdy trust in You
You are amazing God
I peer into the microcosm of cellular structures
The tiny seedlings
I view the macrocosm the horizon
The space below the blue
You are genius God
And I have the audacity to brag
My limited knowledge like broken puzzle pieces
Of magazines, television, books
Your knowledge consists of all things hidden
And all things revealed
Yet not only are you aware of everything
But you carved it Yourself from Your small
Atomic building blocks
Let us speak of yet another dimension beyond space and time
I shall call it truth and love
And you my God are the Master of both
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Staff Commentary: Right Thinking
The topic of classes this week has been, "Right Thinking". This has to be one of my favorite topics we cover in our 10:00 morning classes. Next to saving grace, in my opinion, this would be one of the most important topics for the ladies at VOH to learn.
The majority of the ladies come to VOH with extreme struggles in their thought life. Thoughts like: "God deserted me"; "I can't ever change"; and "It is just hopeless, I've tried everything" are very common. These statements are so often on applications sent to VOH. These statements are also consuming the ladies thought life day in and day out. There is one common theme to this type of thinking-deception. The above thoughts are lies! So much of the work the VOH team and the ladies do is to identify lies that are believed and replace them with the truth found throughout God's Word.
As we begin working through the way a counselee is thinking, it is so exciting to witness the joy they have when they realize there are solutions to the problems that brought them to VOH. When they apply to the program, they are overwhelmed with changing their behaviors. This task seems impossible. However as we begin the hard work of digging into their thinking to get to what is going on in their heart, they begin to have hope. They have hope because they start to recognize the lies that they have been believing and allowing to effect every choice they make.
The choices they are making are self-serving choices. They choose what will make them have comfort, control, ease, escape or pleasure. Then they are distraught because they are not getting what they want. Instead they end up hopeless, trapped and spinning out of control. Why? Because these self-serving choices they are making are based on lies. Lies like: "Alcohol will bring me pleasure"; "If I numb my pain I'll feel better"; or "When I have complete control of my body weight I will be satisfied".
As we investigate the truth of God's Word, the ladies begin to believe that these self-service choices will NEVER satisfy! They begin to recognize the reason why God placed them on this earth- to live for Him rather than for self. We don't see instant recognition of these truths. We repeat these truths over and over and eventually see their thinking change. We see a new habit begin- we see them thinking through Phil 4:8-"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things", we see them believing truth. And we see peace replacing turmoil, Phil. 4:9-" Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you."
~ Heather Starkweather, VOH Social Worker
The majority of the ladies come to VOH with extreme struggles in their thought life. Thoughts like: "God deserted me"; "I can't ever change"; and "It is just hopeless, I've tried everything" are very common. These statements are so often on applications sent to VOH. These statements are also consuming the ladies thought life day in and day out. There is one common theme to this type of thinking-deception. The above thoughts are lies! So much of the work the VOH team and the ladies do is to identify lies that are believed and replace them with the truth found throughout God's Word.
As we begin working through the way a counselee is thinking, it is so exciting to witness the joy they have when they realize there are solutions to the problems that brought them to VOH. When they apply to the program, they are overwhelmed with changing their behaviors. This task seems impossible. However as we begin the hard work of digging into their thinking to get to what is going on in their heart, they begin to have hope. They have hope because they start to recognize the lies that they have been believing and allowing to effect every choice they make.
The choices they are making are self-serving choices. They choose what will make them have comfort, control, ease, escape or pleasure. Then they are distraught because they are not getting what they want. Instead they end up hopeless, trapped and spinning out of control. Why? Because these self-serving choices they are making are based on lies. Lies like: "Alcohol will bring me pleasure"; "If I numb my pain I'll feel better"; or "When I have complete control of my body weight I will be satisfied".
As we investigate the truth of God's Word, the ladies begin to believe that these self-service choices will NEVER satisfy! They begin to recognize the reason why God placed them on this earth- to live for Him rather than for self. We don't see instant recognition of these truths. We repeat these truths over and over and eventually see their thinking change. We see a new habit begin- we see them thinking through Phil 4:8-"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things", we see them believing truth. And we see peace replacing turmoil, Phil. 4:9-" Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you."
~ Heather Starkweather, VOH Social Worker
Friday, April 1, 2011
Resident Reflection
You sustain Your world full of people
Some You have preordained to know You
Why have You chosen the likes of me
Forever shall I wonder
For nothing good is in me but You alone make the flower radiant
You alone give true soul to music
Let my heart speak good back to you Lord
Help me Lord to change my foolishness into praises of my King of Heaven
All things are but shadows passing
You are the Rock, the Solid and firm Self-existent one
No one sustains You
You are Your own burning engine of power
For there is no before God
God has always the breath of Life
Some You have preordained to know You
Why have You chosen the likes of me
Forever shall I wonder
For nothing good is in me but You alone make the flower radiant
You alone give true soul to music
Let my heart speak good back to you Lord
Help me Lord to change my foolishness into praises of my King of Heaven
All things are but shadows passing
You are the Rock, the Solid and firm Self-existent one
No one sustains You
You are Your own burning engine of power
For there is no before God
God has always the breath of Life
Monday, March 28, 2011
Resident Reflection:April
Step up to the plate
Intimidated by crowds
Batter swing
She misses the ball
She misses the call
Why does she or he have so much power?
Here are my wrists
Please shackle them to your opinion
The mysterious depth of me, you ask?
Ain't nothin but a slave that assigned my many masters.
Selah
Lord in Heaven
Have I made this prison?
Unbearable brick stacked tall
Sharp metallic bondage
Eyes perceiving limited walls yet
Blackened by the absence of the Son
Selah
Then a great event
Cement cracks revealing arms of light
Reaching through the darkness
Caressing my iris
Terrified weary habits finally find a type of comfort
With the warmth of this new Son
Selah
"Lean not on my own understanding"
Speaks the shard of light
Through cracked cement
Speak the light?
Speak the light yet to me?
A lowly slave who invented slavery with the children of Adam down through the ages.
Selah
Intimidated by crowds
Batter swing
She misses the ball
She misses the call
Why does she or he have so much power?
Here are my wrists
Please shackle them to your opinion
The mysterious depth of me, you ask?
Ain't nothin but a slave that assigned my many masters.
Selah
Lord in Heaven
Have I made this prison?
Unbearable brick stacked tall
Sharp metallic bondage
Eyes perceiving limited walls yet
Blackened by the absence of the Son
Selah
Then a great event
Cement cracks revealing arms of light
Reaching through the darkness
Caressing my iris
Terrified weary habits finally find a type of comfort
With the warmth of this new Son
Selah
"Lean not on my own understanding"
Speaks the shard of light
Through cracked cement
Speak the light?
Speak the light yet to me?
A lowly slave who invented slavery with the children of Adam down through the ages.
Selah
Friday, March 25, 2011
Resident Reflection
I'm so thankful that God has brought me to Vision of Hope. It seems like I learn something new about God, His Word or myself everyday. I grew up in a Christian home, but I hadn't really ever applied the things I was taught, but now that I'm away from all the distractions of the world, I'm starting to see changes now that my focus is on growing in Christ's likeness. The changes that are taking place are ones that I never thought would be possible and I was right because I was trying to do it on my own. God is teaching me about what love is and how wrong my perspective was about it. I've always thought of love as a works program and I'm so thankful that God doesn't work like that. His grace is so much greater than my sins, and just the thought of that overwhelms me. I'm so excited about all that God has taught me and I'm looking forward to seeing what else He plans to teach me while I'm here. When I return home, I want to continue living to glorify God and live in the identity that Christ gave me!
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Resident Review: Accountability
I read an article on accountability a couple days ago for counseling. It was actually really, really good and made me think a LOT about the whole idea of having “accountability partners” as a Christian. Yes, I’ve heard the term a LOT before, and I’ve even loosely “used” some of my friends as accountability partners. I say “loosely” because after reading this article, I’ve discovered that my idea of an accountability partner is totally flawed. Yet it’s what the majority of people think it is. This article gave me a new understanding of the term and what it means to have an “AP”. (That’s what I’m going to call it because it’s too hard to type out the whole word every time, and I’m lazy!)
Christians need accountability. That’s a given. We all know that. Really, everyone needs accountability. But what does that mean? I’ll tell you what it does NOT mean, but what we usually think it means. It doesn’t mean a person who will ask you what you’ve been doing or thinking. It doesn’t mean someone who will be on your back to get you to confess your struggles to them so they can pray for you, etc. Accountability is ACTIVE, not PASSIVE. I’m going to quote Philip Huber in his article. “Without recognizing it, accountability can easily become a way of abdicating responsibility. In asking you to hold me accountable, you become the active agent and I become the object, or recipient, of that action. This passivity can be a set up for blame-shifting. Recently I heard of a fallen brother blaming his accountability partners for their failure to hold him up to adequate scrutiny. If they had asked the right questions at the right time in the right way with the right persistence he wouldn’t have fallen. That is, after all, why he asked them to hold him accountable.”
How many times have I done this myself? A thousand, I’m sure, if once. But that’s not how it’s supposed to be. I am responsible for my own actions – no one else. It is MY responsibility to go to my AP and tell them what is going on. I need to take the ACTIVE role, not the blaming, dependent role that I’ve used to often. Like weightlifting – a good spotter won’t intervene too quickly. He’ll let you struggle and offer encouragement, but he won’t intervene until absolutely necessary, and even then, he won’t lift the whole bar, he’ll only take on the minimal weight to help you get out of the situation.
I also need to be as detailed as possible. Going to my AP and telling them, “hey, I’m struggling with pride” is NOT going to help me. They’re not there to drag information out of me. They are there to offer support when I absolutely desperately need it, and encouragement. If I’m going to play the active role, I need to be specific. I need to say, “hey, on Tuesday morning, I was struggling with my pride because I was trying to do xyz perfectly by myself and not asking God for help. Can you pray that I’ll be able to ask Him for help and not try to do xyz alone and on my own strength?”
That is specifics. That is detailed. That’s what I need to get used to doing. It’s not up to my AP to continually ask me questions and pry things out of me so that I can place the blame somewhere else other than myself. If I’m struggling with something or sinning, I need to take the steps to change that, and one of those steps is talking to an AP or someone close about what it was that I was doing and how I need to change.
Anyhow, those are just some of my thoughts from reading Huber’s article. I have misused the accountability process in order to shift the blame anywhere other than myself, when that is the only place it ever needed to be placed. I’m sure a lot of other people have done this as well, or there wouldn’t be such a screwed up system and definition of accountability partners. But let’s just say that I’m going to definitely work on this and try to change my perspective. I need to hold MYSELF accountable first and foremost. I need to search MY OWN heart and my OWN thoughts and respond how God would want me to. Having the extra support of an accountability partner is meant to strengthen both them and me, and not to be a way to blame others for my own failures.
Christians need accountability. That’s a given. We all know that. Really, everyone needs accountability. But what does that mean? I’ll tell you what it does NOT mean, but what we usually think it means. It doesn’t mean a person who will ask you what you’ve been doing or thinking. It doesn’t mean someone who will be on your back to get you to confess your struggles to them so they can pray for you, etc. Accountability is ACTIVE, not PASSIVE. I’m going to quote Philip Huber in his article. “Without recognizing it, accountability can easily become a way of abdicating responsibility. In asking you to hold me accountable, you become the active agent and I become the object, or recipient, of that action. This passivity can be a set up for blame-shifting. Recently I heard of a fallen brother blaming his accountability partners for their failure to hold him up to adequate scrutiny. If they had asked the right questions at the right time in the right way with the right persistence he wouldn’t have fallen. That is, after all, why he asked them to hold him accountable.”
How many times have I done this myself? A thousand, I’m sure, if once. But that’s not how it’s supposed to be. I am responsible for my own actions – no one else. It is MY responsibility to go to my AP and tell them what is going on. I need to take the ACTIVE role, not the blaming, dependent role that I’ve used to often. Like weightlifting – a good spotter won’t intervene too quickly. He’ll let you struggle and offer encouragement, but he won’t intervene until absolutely necessary, and even then, he won’t lift the whole bar, he’ll only take on the minimal weight to help you get out of the situation.
I also need to be as detailed as possible. Going to my AP and telling them, “hey, I’m struggling with pride” is NOT going to help me. They’re not there to drag information out of me. They are there to offer support when I absolutely desperately need it, and encouragement. If I’m going to play the active role, I need to be specific. I need to say, “hey, on Tuesday morning, I was struggling with my pride because I was trying to do xyz perfectly by myself and not asking God for help. Can you pray that I’ll be able to ask Him for help and not try to do xyz alone and on my own strength?”
That is specifics. That is detailed. That’s what I need to get used to doing. It’s not up to my AP to continually ask me questions and pry things out of me so that I can place the blame somewhere else other than myself. If I’m struggling with something or sinning, I need to take the steps to change that, and one of those steps is talking to an AP or someone close about what it was that I was doing and how I need to change.
Anyhow, those are just some of my thoughts from reading Huber’s article. I have misused the accountability process in order to shift the blame anywhere other than myself, when that is the only place it ever needed to be placed. I’m sure a lot of other people have done this as well, or there wouldn’t be such a screwed up system and definition of accountability partners. But let’s just say that I’m going to definitely work on this and try to change my perspective. I need to hold MYSELF accountable first and foremost. I need to search MY OWN heart and my OWN thoughts and respond how God would want me to. Having the extra support of an accountability partner is meant to strengthen both them and me, and not to be a way to blame others for my own failures.
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