Step up to the plate
Intimidated by crowds
Batter swing
She misses the ball
She misses the call
Why does she or he have so much power?
Here are my wrists
Please shackle them to your opinion
The mysterious depth of me, you ask?
Ain't nothin but a slave that assigned my many masters.
Selah
Lord in Heaven
Have I made this prison?
Unbearable brick stacked tall
Sharp metallic bondage
Eyes perceiving limited walls yet
Blackened by the absence of the Son
Selah
Then a great event
Cement cracks revealing arms of light
Reaching through the darkness
Caressing my iris
Terrified weary habits finally find a type of comfort
With the warmth of this new Son
Selah
"Lean not on my own understanding"
Speaks the shard of light
Through cracked cement
Speak the light?
Speak the light yet to me?
A lowly slave who invented slavery with the children of Adam down through the ages.
Selah
Monday, March 28, 2011
Friday, March 25, 2011
Resident Reflection
I'm so thankful that God has brought me to Vision of Hope. It seems like I learn something new about God, His Word or myself everyday. I grew up in a Christian home, but I hadn't really ever applied the things I was taught, but now that I'm away from all the distractions of the world, I'm starting to see changes now that my focus is on growing in Christ's likeness. The changes that are taking place are ones that I never thought would be possible and I was right because I was trying to do it on my own. God is teaching me about what love is and how wrong my perspective was about it. I've always thought of love as a works program and I'm so thankful that God doesn't work like that. His grace is so much greater than my sins, and just the thought of that overwhelms me. I'm so excited about all that God has taught me and I'm looking forward to seeing what else He plans to teach me while I'm here. When I return home, I want to continue living to glorify God and live in the identity that Christ gave me!
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Resident Review: Accountability
I read an article on accountability a couple days ago for counseling. It was actually really, really good and made me think a LOT about the whole idea of having “accountability partners” as a Christian. Yes, I’ve heard the term a LOT before, and I’ve even loosely “used” some of my friends as accountability partners. I say “loosely” because after reading this article, I’ve discovered that my idea of an accountability partner is totally flawed. Yet it’s what the majority of people think it is. This article gave me a new understanding of the term and what it means to have an “AP”. (That’s what I’m going to call it because it’s too hard to type out the whole word every time, and I’m lazy!)
Christians need accountability. That’s a given. We all know that. Really, everyone needs accountability. But what does that mean? I’ll tell you what it does NOT mean, but what we usually think it means. It doesn’t mean a person who will ask you what you’ve been doing or thinking. It doesn’t mean someone who will be on your back to get you to confess your struggles to them so they can pray for you, etc. Accountability is ACTIVE, not PASSIVE. I’m going to quote Philip Huber in his article. “Without recognizing it, accountability can easily become a way of abdicating responsibility. In asking you to hold me accountable, you become the active agent and I become the object, or recipient, of that action. This passivity can be a set up for blame-shifting. Recently I heard of a fallen brother blaming his accountability partners for their failure to hold him up to adequate scrutiny. If they had asked the right questions at the right time in the right way with the right persistence he wouldn’t have fallen. That is, after all, why he asked them to hold him accountable.”
How many times have I done this myself? A thousand, I’m sure, if once. But that’s not how it’s supposed to be. I am responsible for my own actions – no one else. It is MY responsibility to go to my AP and tell them what is going on. I need to take the ACTIVE role, not the blaming, dependent role that I’ve used to often. Like weightlifting – a good spotter won’t intervene too quickly. He’ll let you struggle and offer encouragement, but he won’t intervene until absolutely necessary, and even then, he won’t lift the whole bar, he’ll only take on the minimal weight to help you get out of the situation.
I also need to be as detailed as possible. Going to my AP and telling them, “hey, I’m struggling with pride” is NOT going to help me. They’re not there to drag information out of me. They are there to offer support when I absolutely desperately need it, and encouragement. If I’m going to play the active role, I need to be specific. I need to say, “hey, on Tuesday morning, I was struggling with my pride because I was trying to do xyz perfectly by myself and not asking God for help. Can you pray that I’ll be able to ask Him for help and not try to do xyz alone and on my own strength?”
That is specifics. That is detailed. That’s what I need to get used to doing. It’s not up to my AP to continually ask me questions and pry things out of me so that I can place the blame somewhere else other than myself. If I’m struggling with something or sinning, I need to take the steps to change that, and one of those steps is talking to an AP or someone close about what it was that I was doing and how I need to change.
Anyhow, those are just some of my thoughts from reading Huber’s article. I have misused the accountability process in order to shift the blame anywhere other than myself, when that is the only place it ever needed to be placed. I’m sure a lot of other people have done this as well, or there wouldn’t be such a screwed up system and definition of accountability partners. But let’s just say that I’m going to definitely work on this and try to change my perspective. I need to hold MYSELF accountable first and foremost. I need to search MY OWN heart and my OWN thoughts and respond how God would want me to. Having the extra support of an accountability partner is meant to strengthen both them and me, and not to be a way to blame others for my own failures.
Christians need accountability. That’s a given. We all know that. Really, everyone needs accountability. But what does that mean? I’ll tell you what it does NOT mean, but what we usually think it means. It doesn’t mean a person who will ask you what you’ve been doing or thinking. It doesn’t mean someone who will be on your back to get you to confess your struggles to them so they can pray for you, etc. Accountability is ACTIVE, not PASSIVE. I’m going to quote Philip Huber in his article. “Without recognizing it, accountability can easily become a way of abdicating responsibility. In asking you to hold me accountable, you become the active agent and I become the object, or recipient, of that action. This passivity can be a set up for blame-shifting. Recently I heard of a fallen brother blaming his accountability partners for their failure to hold him up to adequate scrutiny. If they had asked the right questions at the right time in the right way with the right persistence he wouldn’t have fallen. That is, after all, why he asked them to hold him accountable.”
How many times have I done this myself? A thousand, I’m sure, if once. But that’s not how it’s supposed to be. I am responsible for my own actions – no one else. It is MY responsibility to go to my AP and tell them what is going on. I need to take the ACTIVE role, not the blaming, dependent role that I’ve used to often. Like weightlifting – a good spotter won’t intervene too quickly. He’ll let you struggle and offer encouragement, but he won’t intervene until absolutely necessary, and even then, he won’t lift the whole bar, he’ll only take on the minimal weight to help you get out of the situation.
I also need to be as detailed as possible. Going to my AP and telling them, “hey, I’m struggling with pride” is NOT going to help me. They’re not there to drag information out of me. They are there to offer support when I absolutely desperately need it, and encouragement. If I’m going to play the active role, I need to be specific. I need to say, “hey, on Tuesday morning, I was struggling with my pride because I was trying to do xyz perfectly by myself and not asking God for help. Can you pray that I’ll be able to ask Him for help and not try to do xyz alone and on my own strength?”
That is specifics. That is detailed. That’s what I need to get used to doing. It’s not up to my AP to continually ask me questions and pry things out of me so that I can place the blame somewhere else other than myself. If I’m struggling with something or sinning, I need to take the steps to change that, and one of those steps is talking to an AP or someone close about what it was that I was doing and how I need to change.
Anyhow, those are just some of my thoughts from reading Huber’s article. I have misused the accountability process in order to shift the blame anywhere other than myself, when that is the only place it ever needed to be placed. I’m sure a lot of other people have done this as well, or there wouldn’t be such a screwed up system and definition of accountability partners. But let’s just say that I’m going to definitely work on this and try to change my perspective. I need to hold MYSELF accountable first and foremost. I need to search MY OWN heart and my OWN thoughts and respond how God would want me to. Having the extra support of an accountability partner is meant to strengthen both them and me, and not to be a way to blame others for my own failures.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Resident Reflection
VOH has helped me focus on God and making Him "#1" in my life instead of the worldly desires that have consumed my life for the past 4 years.The Staff and Interns at VOH help me concentrate on my Lord and Savior in order to rededicate my life to Christ. I feel more happy and at peace with myself. Without the help that VOH has provided for me, I would continue to live a more miserable sinful life that would not honor my Heavenly Father. Even though there are hard times at VOH (being away from family), it has given me a chance to renew my life with Christ with accountability with Staff that would not come along with the distraction/pressure of the world on my shoulder. There is no other place like VOH and I am thankful for listening to God, family, friends and Pastoral Staff to make that commitment to get better in order to allow a safer and more hopeful future that God promised in Jeremiah 29:11. God has given/shown me that I need him for everything. Without Him I can't grow with Fruits of the Spirit and have a deeper more spiritual relationship with him. My Father has also helped me learn more about Salvation in Him, how He can make me happy, to delight in Him with a heart that is joyful and thankful, and that He is ALWAYS there for me no matter what. The learning process of Biblical principles of making God my everything, praying/reading Scripture daily and conquering sin with the armor on me daily have allowed me to put them into practice/apple them daily to Glorify and honor my Father and whoever comes across my path. I am also applying these principles with God, family, friends and VOH Staff, knowing that I am striving and changing to become a "Woman after God's own heart." I feel my life will be different due to knowing how to handle my past and future with a Biblical perspective, putting into practice/applying to my life daily with a Christ-like attitude to Glorify him in every circumstance that comes my way. Putting complete trust/control in God and knowing He has what is best/safe for me in the future.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Resident Reflection
Vision of Hope has helped me change my life. The staff here led me to Christ. They continually show grace and love; and they gently help me turn my heart to the truth. I am so grateful for my counselor, she really helped me change my life. I cherish everyone here. God is teaching me that His way is best. God is helping me and giving me the strength I need. He is teaching me about His love towards me. He is teaching me to trust Him. I am learning that hard is not bad, that you grow from it. I'm learning to trust and obey. I'm learning to lay down my life and surrender to His ways. I'm learning that it's progressive sanctification. I am growing in following Jesus' way, praying, and knowing the Bible. My life will be different because I know Christ. He is a part of me. I am continuing to learn truth here that has and will forever change my life. I am so thankful for this place.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Resident Reflection-Jessica
Hello! I'm a sixteen year old girl who lives at Vision of Hope. I can't even express to you how much this place means to me. I arrived here about a month and a half ago. I didn't understand why God was wanting me to come to this place. I was very confused. I hadn't done drugs, drank, smoked, had an eating disorder or anything like that. I was confused on why God would want me to come to a treatment center for having a rough home life. I still have no idea how they actually let me in here, but God knew what He wanted for my life. When I arrived I was so excited to be here, because I wasn't at home, but God reminded me that I couldn't escape and run from my life at home. Even though it was a safe place here at VOH, my home haunted me and how I handled my life wrong. You have no idea how this place has helped and encouraged me not to give up, to love my family no matter what, and to pray for them. God has done amazing things in my life since I've been here. Some have been trials, some miracles. Two days after Thanksgiving my aunt who I loved dearly died of heart failure very unexpectedly. I was shocked. But thanks to the things I've been learning here, God was able to give me peace with my aunts sudden death. He taught my heart to sing praises to His name even though I didn't understand why. Well you know what? I do know why He allowed it. Because some how He was going to use it for His glory! And I knew there could be no greater joy but to see my Heavenly Father praised and glorified. More home trials arrived in my life and my heart was once again drawn closer to God through my brokenness. Through my weak helpless body, God was showing His strength. The greatest miracle He has shown to me was my Christmas break home, it was great! I walked through the doors of a changed household. It was dumbfounding to me. God had taken so much from my life and He showed me if I put Him first and give Him the glory no matter what, He would take care of me. I can't express to you what a miracle God has done through this place in a month and a half. When my heart was crying out for love, God showed it through the staff here. No matter what happens, God will be glorified somehow, and my life is in His hands. I will never be the same after being here. God has shown me how incredible He is. Thanks to what He was been teaching me about never losing Hope in Him, He was preparing me for the next phase of my life. On New Year's Eve I recieved a call that my dad has cancer. My heart is ready. Ready for this next journey, ready for a stronger relationship with Him, ready for Him to be glorified through this trial. Thank you for opening VOH. My family and I will never be the same. To God be the Glory and Praise through everything!
Friday, March 4, 2011
Resident Reflection:Jacquelynn-Genuine Love
My God is loving and it's neat to see how His love never ends. Unlike my love for people, it will end sometimes and sometimes it doesn't. But God's love will stay the same, it never changes.
As I sat at my church and here, I realized that they said the exact same thing. My pastor back at home once said, "God's love is genuine love. He will give us what we need and not what we want." We tend to ask for things we want instead of need but with God's love He says "No", and gives us what we need. It's neat to hear as I get older that people say the same thing. God's love is genuine love.
God loves us and not wanting anything in return but we as people tend to want something from love. God's love is selfless, self-giving, and our love is sometimes selfish love instead of selfless love. But if we have Jesus Christ as our Savior then He can help us have selfless love.
The power of God's love is so powerful. Sometimes I just sit there and think to myself, "Wow, what a God we have, to love us so much that He gave His Son to die on a cross for us. He didn't have too, but He did because He loves us. That is selfless love, doing something for someone and not wanting something back." Exodus 20:6 says, "but showing steadfast love to thousands of those who love me and keep my commandments." Even though God is a God of love, He is also a jealous God. Exodus 20:5 says, "You shall not bow down to them or serve them, for I the Lord your God am a jealous God."
Here's a question for you and me to think about. Have you loved your enemies as God has loved you? Sometimes you can say "Yes, I love my enemies", but if your enemies came up to you with a problem would you be able to help them? He loves us no matter what you do or I do.
This affects me spiritually as well as emotionally because emotionally you know that you have to love your family, and spiritually because I want to be able to say, "Lord fill my cup and let me share it with others." This is my prayer, "Lord please show me your love everyday. Let me love you and them and you even more. I love you Lord."
I give thanks to God because His love is so powerful and overwhelming that sometimes you don't understand it. Psalm 136:1 says, "Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good, For His lovingkindness is everlasting."
As I sat at my church and here, I realized that they said the exact same thing. My pastor back at home once said, "God's love is genuine love. He will give us what we need and not what we want." We tend to ask for things we want instead of need but with God's love He says "No", and gives us what we need. It's neat to hear as I get older that people say the same thing. God's love is genuine love.
God loves us and not wanting anything in return but we as people tend to want something from love. God's love is selfless, self-giving, and our love is sometimes selfish love instead of selfless love. But if we have Jesus Christ as our Savior then He can help us have selfless love.
The power of God's love is so powerful. Sometimes I just sit there and think to myself, "Wow, what a God we have, to love us so much that He gave His Son to die on a cross for us. He didn't have too, but He did because He loves us. That is selfless love, doing something for someone and not wanting something back." Exodus 20:6 says, "but showing steadfast love to thousands of those who love me and keep my commandments." Even though God is a God of love, He is also a jealous God. Exodus 20:5 says, "You shall not bow down to them or serve them, for I the Lord your God am a jealous God."
Here's a question for you and me to think about. Have you loved your enemies as God has loved you? Sometimes you can say "Yes, I love my enemies", but if your enemies came up to you with a problem would you be able to help them? He loves us no matter what you do or I do.
This affects me spiritually as well as emotionally because emotionally you know that you have to love your family, and spiritually because I want to be able to say, "Lord fill my cup and let me share it with others." This is my prayer, "Lord please show me your love everyday. Let me love you and them and you even more. I love you Lord."
I give thanks to God because His love is so powerful and overwhelming that sometimes you don't understand it. Psalm 136:1 says, "Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good, For His lovingkindness is everlasting."
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Resident Reflection:Shelby
Dear Lord,
I am so very thankful for you. I am thankful that you pulled me out of my own selfish habits to bring me here. Sometimes I imagine you sitting next to me as I take one more hit, or one more drink, or just one more pill. I can imagine you trying to push it away from me, but I just ignore you. I can only imagine what you were doing the night I took so many pills and smoked so much and drank so much that I couldn't even stay awake. Honestly thinking back, you were the only reason I survived! Through all the decisions I made you were sitting beside me praying I would make the right ones. When I made bad decisions it was as if I was telling you that you weren't enough and you never would be. But no matter how many times I fell back or said I hated you, you were always there. You were faithful to me even when I didn't want your love. You brought me out of the darkness. You gave me hope for a better life for me and my daughter. I'm so thankful for all you have done for me and putting people in my path to help me make good decisions. Thank you so much!
I love you greatly,
Your daughter (forever),
Shelby
I am so very thankful for you. I am thankful that you pulled me out of my own selfish habits to bring me here. Sometimes I imagine you sitting next to me as I take one more hit, or one more drink, or just one more pill. I can imagine you trying to push it away from me, but I just ignore you. I can only imagine what you were doing the night I took so many pills and smoked so much and drank so much that I couldn't even stay awake. Honestly thinking back, you were the only reason I survived! Through all the decisions I made you were sitting beside me praying I would make the right ones. When I made bad decisions it was as if I was telling you that you weren't enough and you never would be. But no matter how many times I fell back or said I hated you, you were always there. You were faithful to me even when I didn't want your love. You brought me out of the darkness. You gave me hope for a better life for me and my daughter. I'm so thankful for all you have done for me and putting people in my path to help me make good decisions. Thank you so much!
I love you greatly,
Your daughter (forever),
Shelby
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